Mrs. in Ministry: “The Pastor’s Wife”

What a great blessing it was to enjoy the company of seminary women into our home last night. Our focus was, and shall be for two img_2441more session, “The Pastor’s Wife.” I share the notes, here, from the handout. As I post this, I pray for our future pastor wives, missionary wives and wives in ministry. May the Lord Jesus Christ speak His peace into their souls, grant them wisdom far beyond their years, and anoint them with the Holy Spirit for the work of building up the pastor for the goal of building up the Body of Christ. Truly she is a beautiful and precious jewel in the Ministry of the Gospel and she is a treasure to her husband and children, and to the Kingdom of God.

RTS Charlotte Mrs. In Ministry

Evenings with the Miltons:

“Reflecting on the Life and Ministry the Pastor’s Wife”

Evening One: Her Family

Evening Two: Her Role in the Church

Evening Three: Her Burdens and Blessings

Evening One: The Pastor’s Wife and Her Family

Monday, February 9, 2009


    • Presentation, discussion, dialogue, questions and reflections at any point in our time together
  1. Proverbs 31 for the Pastors Wife “The Guilt Free Guide to Being a Pastor’s Wife”
  2. Proverbs 31 has sometimes been used inappropriately in such a way as women leave and say, “There is no way!” And rather than becoming a blessing to the Body of Christ, the teaching becomes  a burden. Too bad. The saying by the King’s mother (don’t blame the husband for writing, but the mother-in-law!) is a picture of a godly woman that she desires, rightly, for her son. It also is a beautiful picture of the powerful role of women in our lives. Tonight, I want to apply this to pastors’ wives, to you.

    Here are some truths that I want to talk about with you from God’s Word.

  1. The pastor’s wife is the pastor’s greatest treasure in life and in his ministry (vv 10-12)
  2. The pastor’s wife oversees the pastoral home (v 27 as encompassing vv 13-22, 24)
  3. The pastor’s wife uses her feminine wisdom and insight to encourage the ministry of the pastor (v 23)
  4. The pastor’s wife is first and foremost a wife and mother, whose greatest praise is not from a congregation, but from her husband and children: Look first unto them! (v 28)
  5. The pastor’s wife is at her core a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ (vv 29-31)
  1. Common Misconceptions about the Pastoral Family
  1. The pastoral family is perfect
  2. The pastoral family is always available
  3. The pastoral family cannot have friends in the ministry
  4. The pastoral couple is basically a “two for one” deal for the church
  5. The pastoral family is like any other family in any other vocation
  1. Critical Areas of Concern that Pastoral Families Face
  1. Time together away from the church
  2. Freedom to be yourself
  3. Adjusting to the role relationships in the church (which we will talk about next time)
  4. Friendships for the wife
  5. “Making your vocation your sanctification” (1 Timothy 4.16)
  6. Counting the costs and being realistic about the calling itself
  1. Key Points of Help for Your Husband and the Pastoral Ministry
  1. Listening without judging
  2. Giving your wisdom and insight to him, you are his chief counselor
  1. Key Points of Help for You
  1. A life of prayer
  2. Finding your place like anyone else, but not forgetting “your place” which is unlike anyone else
  3. Finding your friends but not forgetting the flock
  4. Being there at “the front door” of the church with your husband without being the “other” pastor
  5. Protecting your children from the Church while teaching your children to love the Church
  6. Guarding the sanctity of your home and yet practicing hospitality in your home
  • My wife’s remark to the question by the pulpit committee is, to me, the classic answer to the question, “What is your view of the role of the pastor’s wife?”
    • “I take care of the pastor. If that doesn’t happen, he cannot take care of you.”

Song: Pastor’s Wife (below)

Season of Prayer

Thank God for the Pastor’s Wife

© 2008 Michael Anthony Milton

You didn’t know
The places you’d go
On the day when you said “I do”
And you’ve traveled far
To be the person you are
But leaving is so hard to do
Yes leaving is so hard to do
But with grace and with poise
You’ve withstood the noise
Of the wounded
who cry at your door
Seeking your husband
To help them find God
It seems like there’s always one more
If there’s crowns on that day
And I have my say
I’ll plead that the Lord gives you mine
For when people heard me
What they couldn’t see
Was the deepest part of my life
“Thank God for the pastor’s wife”
When I heard the call
You caught it all
The moving, the setting up new
And when your husband
hears voices
There’re few other choices
But to pray that He’s hearing aright
But you walked by faith and not sight
So many times you’ve
suffered in silence
When some use
your husband in vain
And few know the costs
of following God
In the desert, in the night, in the rain
Covered dishes and circles and smiling through pain
For others see a pastor,
a prophet, a priest
But you see a husband, a dad
But the Lord heals you secretly and gives you the grace
And I’ve seen you laugh in the night at the bad
So I wrote this song
And I won’t be long
Though you deserve so much more
‘Cause people can talk but you’ve walked the walk
You faithfully stood by the door
And nudged me to preach once more
If there’s crowns on that day and I have my say
I’ll plead that the Lord gives you mine
When people heard me
What they couldn’t see
Was the deepest part of my life
Thank God for the pastor’s wife
No, honey, let me say this, I’ll Thank God that you were my wife

(This song appears on the compact disc,  Follow Your Call [Music For Missions, 2008).


About Michael A. Milton, Ph.D.

Michael A. Milton, Ph.D., MPA (University of Wales; University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill), is an American Presbyterian pastor, theologian, and author.
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